Today, I made the call to Holt to talk with the lady who is in charge of Post Adoption Services. I knew before I made the call it could change me. I was hoping it would be for the better; the verdict is still out. I knew at the start of this journey it would be heart wrenching and while I'm not even in the early stages of the process it has already brought me to my knees in gut agonizing humbleness. While talking with the lady it was mentioned:
* A lot of mothers who give up their children leave their children in a very public/busy place, e.g. marketplace and watch from afar to make sure someone does pick up their child. My thoughts: I'm picturing a little girl in a public place and crying out for her mother but her mom just watches from a distance. How could she do this?
* If the mother was unwed at the time of birth she could have been disowned by her family. The "black" sheep or "family member who was twice-removed" was a real thing in Korea back then and could have been disowned by her family and legally her name could be changed because she had upset her family.
* If she was unwed at the time, she didn't have to register the birth of her baby, unlike it is here in the States. There could be no official record of me being born.
10.09.2013
10.02.2013
Seoulfully Searching
Wow, in the recent weeks our family has been shaken, pressed and shaken some more. For the last two years, I have personally gone through some personal health issues. Here is what I posted to my Facebook profile:
"I could really use some prayer. For the last 3 months or so. I have been having some health problems. When it seems like I get over one thing, another thing happens. I really don't want to divulge into what it MAY or COULD be, because I don't want to speak anything in existence. Today has been one of a few days that I broke down even though I know God is the ultimate healer. It's the breaking down of the spirit. I have been to the doctor, ER, and now urgent care. I'm really just getting tired of all the doctors, shots and tests. If there is one thing that I covet right now is your prayers for a COMPLETE healing. This journey has been one of a learning experience; has made me look at people who have chronic diseases with different eyes. On days I feel so tired for praying for myself, I pray for those who have it worse than me; so when you think of me, pray for those who have it worse than I do." June 9, 2013
Since June of this year, my health issues have somewhat quieted down. Or so I thought.
On August 27 my youngest daughter started to show symptoms of what I thought was the flu. I had taken her to the ER not too far from where we live and they ended up diagnosing her with bronchitis (although she never showed any classic symptoms to support that theory). The doctor sent her home with a prescription for the Z-Pack and to switch back and forth with Tylenol and Advil for the massive headaches and high fevers she was experiencing. They had mentioned about possibly doing a spinal tap to test for viral meningitis, but they really didn't think that was the problem. A couple days later after missing 3 straight days of school, my husband took her to a different ER because her symptoms weren't getting any better and she was spending most of her time in bed sleeping - more so than normal. After spending an unreasonable amount of time there, numerous blood tests, and a spinal tap, it was decided that she needed to be transported to our local Children's Hospital. We thought this was going to be a one day stint.
Little did we know...
She ended up staying at Children's Hospital for a total of nine days - three different departments: Infectious Disease, PICU and the 11th floor (regular room). She was tested for everything under the sun you could think of. She went under so many tests, blood work, blood pressure monitorings, temperature readings and countless asking of the question, "On a scale of 1-10, tell us what your pain level is." After enduring a head MRI, blood marrow biopsy, a skin biopsy, eye tests, nine pounds of fluid intake, taking up to 4 different antibiotics at one time, hearing the words Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever, viral meningitis, Lyme's Disease, Kawasaki Disease, Autoimmune Disease. Nothing came back conclusive as to what they thought it could be.
Back during this previous spring was when I had experienced some health problems (hence the Facebook posting) and had a doctor's appointment for a specialized doctor in the early fall. This appointment just happened to be yesterday. While there and talking with the doctor, one of the causes that he said could be causing some of my problems was mentioned as one of the diseases that was mentioned for her. I do remember when the doctors were consulting us on what they thought her health problems were could be hereditary and mostly affects Asians.
On my way back to work, my husband and I were talking about something that he was always interested in, going to Korea and finding my birth family. This was something that I tried to do 20 some years ago before the birth of my first child - this was my second attempt. After hitting a brick wall I decided that they only reason I would ever want to know about my past would be for health reasons. It was in the past for a reason, and for some unknown, I believed God had shut the door to keep me safe from something I didn't want or need to know. I think though in light of what has happened in a matter of 4 weeks has reignited the fact that I will have to do some digging into my past.
Find my birth family.
When I started the process so many years ago when I was in high school and college it was out of my own curiosity. Now it is for the sake of my children and their children's children.
The more I dwell on the thoughts of all the emotions that this process could evoke, I get depressed easily. There will always be the question of (if they are found) are you really my family? Because of so many unknowns in my past, I believe this is a legitimate question. To be honest with you, I really don't want to do this on so many levels. The emotional roller coaster that I'm sure this will put me on is one that will be crazy enough for any thrill seeker.
A sense of when I start the searching of my birth parents, will I be known as my adopted parents' daughter anymore or will I be known as a daughter of a faceless mother that I've only dreamed about? Will I lose my identity? I wish I could be happy about starting this search and maybe towards the end I will be. But for right now, all I feel is a sense of disappointment of my birth parents. Why did they give me up? Why did they abandon me? Why did they leave me on the streets to fend for myself? Why didn't anyone come searching for me while I was "missing?" Why would my grandparents be mean to me?
8.01.2013
Where do I go from here?
I have found myself at a crossroads lately. Not sure why; maybe it's because I find myself staring in the mirror and realizing that I have a grown daughter out of college and the other one a junior in high school with a realization that I will only have her under my roof for another two years. While trying to help the younger one with college decisions and other grown up processes, it has made me take another glimpse in the mirror and reevaluate my own path in life.
My oldest has challenged me with questions like:
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
What would you like to accomplish in the next 5 years?
Where do you want to live?
What is your dream job?
In all honesty, I wish I had those questions thrown at me about 20 years ago. She has challenged me the most in her short 21 years of life. In the most recent months, I have asked myself these very questions over and over again. They haunt me. I'm knocking on the door of 42 soon and competing with professionals who are at least half my age, I have come to the understanding, I'm not even close to what I want to do with my life.
Six years ago, I returned to college to complete my undergraduate degree in Visual Communications. When my employer knew that I would be receiving my degree within the middle of the school year, they offered me a teaching position. In return, I knew that I had not finished my degree, my neck would be the next in line for the chopping block of cut jobs, so I felt I had no choice in that means, but in reality, finishing my degree was something that I had always wanted to do. But I didn't return to school so I could teach. I finished my degree so I could go in to the business sector and design things. I stayed there for another five years and moved on to another school.
And so I find myself at the beginning of this blog again.
Where do I go from here?
Within the last 14 years, I haved worked in the education field. I cannot tell you how many times I have felt guilty when I hear people say that teachers are gifted and they commend teachers for what they do year after year. Teaching is not my calling, it's a step for the next best thing. Still, the pay is not great. In reality, I get paid little for the actual degree that I received. For that matter, so do teachers who actually have a teacher's certificate and have an education degree.
I look at my husband's and I life for the past 22 years and I look at the people around me and it saddens me to a depth that I cannot even explain. During the time that my husband and I have been married (22 years) he has had 11 different jobs and I have had 4 (Man, when I write that, I have to shake my head). We are not even close to retire in the next 20 years. Our lives are no different than the first day we were married. Meaning, our house is very average, we have appliances that do not work in our house, we get a flood in our back yard every time it rains hard, we haven't had a real vacation for the last six years, we are in debt up to our ears. Even though my husband has more work experience than I do, I make about $2,000/year less than he does (if you count my second job, I make about the same as he does). I look around and it smacks me in the face every time that we cannot give to our kids a legacy that they can be proud of. Sure love, patience, a true foundation of Christ are all important, but what about vacations/family time that they can remember? What about giving them things that they need, like a dresser, an oven that works or a new pair of tennis shoes when they need them? I'm not proud to teach my kids the value of the dollar; to teach them the value of a coupon, Good Will or wearing used uniforms. Still, I keep asking myself the question, why us?
When I ask myself this, I have to keep reminding myself, there are a ton of other people who have way worse than we do, and I have to daily remind myself of this. This is the life that my husband and I have decided to have. It's not luxurious in any way. We made the decision 18 years ago, that we wanted to give our kids a Christian education that a modest lifestyle was better than one that constantly throw ideals in people's faces that we were extravagant. Still, I look at the people around us and there are people have more kids than we do, taking vacations overseas, or taking quick getaways here and there, when for us, taking a trip out of town about 60 miles away, is a grand trip, I have to shake my head in disbelief. We are simple people with great dreams and aspirations. I have now placed before me a bigger question that I hope to have a new answer to a year from now:
Where would I like to be a year from now?
I'm doing my research and starting the process now. Stay tuned for the update :)
10.20.2012
A writer writes
Since starting my new job (August) I began a new thing. Driving 35 minutes one way to work. This may not be a new thing to most of you, but for me, this is crazy driving. For the last 20 years, the furthest I drove to work was 10 minutes, so this 35-minute drive is insanity.I have also found out with all the new technology gadgets I have, I find myself doing less of what I like to do...read. One summer I read 20 books in a matter of three months. I felt accomplished with swirling myself in mindless worlds of fictitious locations and aspiring relationships. But I digress from the main purpose of this blog...
I love books, so hence I love libraries and bookstores. I even was hired by both. Problem with working in both of these industries is that you really don't get the time to actually read. So that is why I never lasted at either position. I could (and possibly have) roam in a library for hours, which my family doesn't understand, so many topics, so many authors, so many situations.
One day while on my way to work, I was listening to the radio, flipping between the 2-3 stations I listen to and they seem to be playing the same songs over and over again and I felt like I was just literally spinning my wheels getting nowhere and finding that I wasn't doing anything more other than wasting my time away on dead air.
A few days later when I was in the library I happened to wander in the audio books section.
LIGHTBULB!
I looked at some of the authors I liked and found the library had some in their inventory. I have since listened to quite a few books on my travels to and from work. I have also learned that I can only get through about one book a week. Anything beyond that is wishful thinking and being a CD audio book junkie. This small idea even encouraged me to get my third library card and renew my other one that I hadn't used in several months.
While listening to the latest book that I am now on, I found how talented authors need to be. I always wanted to be a fictional writer when I was younger, but found I didn't have the creative pen to get it accomplished. Now I have always known authors have a talent, but beyond the stories they wield in their minds (and so many story lines) the capability to write so fluidly is beyond me. How authors have the knack of writing what would seem to be so inordinate in our own lives with such ease and be able to write exactly what we go through, down to the very details, whereas, us mortals wouldn't even think anything more of it, but can relate to so easily. How does one have the ability to run the perfect words together to form such imaginative scenes and grip the readers and help them to relate and feel connected to the characters? I have at one time gone as far as weeping so intensely that I had to explain to my students I wasn't really sad, but that the tears were from a book that I was listening to.
Most times, I dread the end of the book and I'm sure any avid reader does too. To end the story of characters who you can relate to, feel their emotions, relate to their situations is almost like an epilogue that you wish would last forever. You want to know how their story ended, you want to make sure that good always prevails and they will live happily ever after. So in the confines of the binding of the book you only get a (small) glimpse of your characters and hope for the best after you have turned the last page.
While on the subject of books. I have to say that I despise when they make movies from the books. I understand the book itself may take over the course of several months to several years, and that the average movie is around 1.5 hours long and that there is no way they could possibly put everything that was in the book in the movie. But when they do not stay to the context of the book (character traits, past events that were mentioned) it really takes away from what the author was trying to reveal in his story line. I always tell people, if you have the choice of reading the book verses watching the movie, my advice...Read the book.
My favorites? Anything from Karen Kingsbury and Nicholas Sparks. I have also read books from Frank Peretti, Bill Meyers, John Grisham, Robin Jones Gunn and Francine Rivers, just to name a few.
From one aspiring blogger, kudos to the accomplished writers. We'll let (and encourage) the creators of eloquently-put words continue to do what they do best. Write.
5.15.2012
Conversation Life Support
When I was young, I was very shy. I was never sure if this was because of my biological heritage or if it was because I never had anything to say. Well after after so many years, I'm beginning to think it's the latter. I have a hard time holding conversations with someone. I have a hard time with small talk. To some, small talk is easy and maybe it is all they can really do, but for me, if I spend most of the conversation fighting myself with "What can I say next?" I find that I'm not really paying attention to what they are saying at the time. Come on, there are only so many times you can ask about the weather or if they have gotten a haircut lately.
My youngest daughter and I are alike with this. We have friends, but it's a very small group and if we don't know you well enough, it could take ages for us to be able to sustain a meaningful conversation with you. This is even a problem with people we know. I honestly have to say I sometimes steer clear from people who I might not know that well, so that way I don't have to fight with myself on how to keep the conversation going. Now for those that I know are extreme talkers, I don't have worry about this battle. If in the past you have proven yourself a confirmed conversationalist then you are the person that I want to talk [listen] to. I might be able to interject a sentence or two but if I don't have to worry about where the dialogue will go, then I can fully enjoy a talk with you.
My husband and my oldest daughter are quite a bit alike. They are the social people in our small family of four. They could go up to strangers and hold meaningful conversations with them that could mean absolutely nothing to me and come out from it better people. One day I talked with my oldest daughter about my trouble with small talk and she offered the following:
1. Ask questions. She said that if you ask questions about themselves, it helps to keep the dialogue going.
2. Ending the conversation: Say something about needing to go somewhere or wanting to catch up with someone that you haven't seen in awhile.
Ending the conversation is an extreme battle that tortures me as well. So what happens if you're done talking and you want to leave the exchange? How awkward it is when they are done with you and they instantly go to another person to talk to and you are left in their wake. Or what happens if you are the one who is done, so how do you leave the person so they are not left holding the bag?
One thing that annoys me to no end is when you are talking with me and while I'm talking your eyes go elsewhere during the conversation. To me when I see this it makes me think that what I have to say is not important to you and that you need to probably move on to the next person because I am boring you with my speech. Sadly, if the other person's eyes starts to wander while I'm talking, I start to do the same thing. Maybe I'm doing this to let me know what they are doing or to show them that what they are doing is starting to offend me.
Wow, for someone who has a hard time keeping a conversation going, this blog seems to go on and on. Maybe I don't have a hard time keeping the conversation going with myself.
5.16.2011
Going to extremes
I have been couponing for the last 2 years and mostly due to the fact that for the money that we were spending to feed our little family of 4, was getting outrageous. My income was falling and my husband's wasn't making up for the difference. A friend of mine had started to get into it and sadly, I was making fun of her for carrying around a huge binder full of coupons. But I quickly saw how she was saving a boat load of money for items that her family was going to use and I immediately changed my tune. I humbly asked her where she got her sleeves for her binder (Ebay) and she gave me a 3-inch binder that I have filled to the gills now.
Where do I get my coupons? Most of them I get from the Sunday paper. If you can get a Sunday paper for $2 and you can get a least $2 worth of savings from it (this is not a problem) then you've paid for your paper. I also get some on line (my favorite is coupons.com) and I follow several blogs on Facebook and Twitter which will tell me how to score great deals at the stores.
Keeping up with this new venture for the last 2 years has almost made me a slave to it. I don't coupon every single day - but I would imagine I spend at least 10 hours a week cutting, sorting, filtering and scanning the ads to see what I can get for a good deal. There are numerous times I will see something in an advertisement and laugh, thinking if anyone buys that at that store, it is NOT a good deal!
There is a lot of thinking that goes into the coupon deal itself. Even though I may have a coupon I have to think if I'll be getting a better deal at Kroger vs. WalMart. Even though Kroger doubles MC (Manufacturer's coupons) up to .99 and WalMart doesn't double/triple at all, maybe the better deal is not to go with the coupon because the generic brand, which is just as good, is still the better deal. DON'T USE THE COUPON JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT AND IT MAY BE LISTED ON SALE.
My family seems like we have gotten a bad rap on it because of the couponing that we have done. One family member doesn't even do it which I think their spouse would love it if they did. Another relative of mine makes fun of us because we do it. Oh well, I'm frugal (and not ashamed to admit it) and as long as I know I can get a good deal on something, I'll do it. I'm not willing to go to extremes to do it though.
The other week, I had cut out 2 coupons from the two Sunday papers for $5 off a Tylenol Precise product. I had seen on FB that Rite Aid was going to have a huge sale on these - $5 each on each product. I thought, with the coupons, I could get at least 2 products for free. I went to the store on Monday and the items were sold out. After talking to the cashier, she said that they sold out of the item Sunday morning by 9:30 a.m. People were lined up at the door before they were opened to get the item and by noon they had issued at least 20 rain checks. That's crazy. She said that I could come back on Friday or Saturday, after their next delivery truck had come, and see if they had any in stock. If they didn't they could scan my coupon and issue me a rain check to still get it free. That didn't work. I went in Friday and they were still out. I didn't want to come back on Saturday and bother them. Saturday I went to CVS and saw that they had a sale on the same items: Buy one get one 1/2 off (BOGO 1/2) So altogether I purchased 2 creams for a dollar and some change because I used both my $5 coupons and I didn't have to mess with the rain check. Not as good as free but almost. :D
When I first started couponing, I wasn't seeing the savings that everyone else was experiencing. The problem that I was having was that I was purchasing items from the coupons and still getting what I normally would. If you are doing this, you will be spending more on your grocery bill. Couponing is new habit you have to get accustomed to. Instead of getting Life cereal because it's what your family likes, they will have to get used to eating Honey Nut Cheerios because it's what you have a coupon for. It's a matter of a new lifestyle change that everyone in your family will have to agree on.
I've been watching the show "Extreme Couponing" lately. I have done a lot of reading about the show and what others have to say about it. There are several mixed reviews in light of the fraud that seems to be going on (please read this post about my thoughts on it) but that's not what I want to highlight. Several people have brought numerous ideals to it which I think are quite valuable:
1. With store policies, you cannot use that many coupons in one transaction. I don't care if your husband comes with you.
2. There is no way that a store would let you take up 4 hours in a check out lane.
3. If that were me in the check out lane, I would have one nasty cashier on my hands - this is something I don't want to deal with, ever.
4. Do you really need 77 bottles of mustard?
5. Your family is more important than couponing or hoarding/stockpiling items that you may or may not use.
6. With a television series, it is about advertising. Don't you think General Mills got a kickback for showing their brand on the show?
7. It's no longer about brand loyalty. If a company really wants you to buy their items, they will give a coupon for it.
8. This is something that they don't include in the show to balance how much of a savings they are actually receiving - the cost of computer paper, computer ink and the cost of the Sunday papers (especially for those who buy an extreme amount).
Don't get me wrong, there are some valuable lessons I have learned from the show and from my own experience:
1. Look through the circulars. Match and compare sale items with coupons.
2. Make sure to read the fine print of the coupon.
3. Write out a list. I'm a huge fan of apps available on my Droid (lovingly called "Andy") but with trying to navigate between several apps to find what I need, a good 'ole fashioned notebook and pen work just great.
4. Several stores will have the same items on sale during the same week. Check the circulars to see who has the better deal.
5. Talk to people and see if they are not using their coupons, see if you can use them if they are not.
6. DONATE or GIVE AWAY any items that you will not use. There is no sense of keeping items that will go bad if you won't use them. I have even given some away as Christmas gifts. Guess what you're getting this year? I got a great deal once at Kroger for some deodorant for free. But if my husband isn't going to use it, might as well give it someone who can use it. I didn't pay anything for it and giving it to someone (without strings attached) is a much better feeling than walking out of the store without having to pay for it.
7. Just because you have a coupon, doesn't mean that you have to use it. Read above about using coupons for brand names compared to the store brand.
8. Instead of basing your grocery bill on your menus, base your meals on your pantry. Meaning whatever sale deals you were able to score, plan your meals to what you have, not what you have to purchase.
9. When I would shop before, the bigger item was always the better deal, but the coupon deal, sometimes, the smaller item is the better deal, especially if you can get away with getting it free.
A good deal is only good in small doses. It is like eating carrots, just because carrots are good for you, eating too many of them can be a bad thing for you. Think smart when doing coupons and share your wealth with others.
Keeping up with this new venture for the last 2 years has almost made me a slave to it. I don't coupon every single day - but I would imagine I spend at least 10 hours a week cutting, sorting, filtering and scanning the ads to see what I can get for a good deal. There are numerous times I will see something in an advertisement and laugh, thinking if anyone buys that at that store, it is NOT a good deal!
There is a lot of thinking that goes into the coupon deal itself. Even though I may have a coupon I have to think if I'll be getting a better deal at Kroger vs. WalMart. Even though Kroger doubles MC (Manufacturer's coupons) up to .99 and WalMart doesn't double/triple at all, maybe the better deal is not to go with the coupon because the generic brand, which is just as good, is still the better deal. DON'T USE THE COUPON JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE IT AND IT MAY BE LISTED ON SALE.
My family seems like we have gotten a bad rap on it because of the couponing that we have done. One family member doesn't even do it which I think their spouse would love it if they did. Another relative of mine makes fun of us because we do it. Oh well, I'm frugal (and not ashamed to admit it) and as long as I know I can get a good deal on something, I'll do it. I'm not willing to go to extremes to do it though.
The other week, I had cut out 2 coupons from the two Sunday papers for $5 off a Tylenol Precise product. I had seen on FB that Rite Aid was going to have a huge sale on these - $5 each on each product. I thought, with the coupons, I could get at least 2 products for free. I went to the store on Monday and the items were sold out. After talking to the cashier, she said that they sold out of the item Sunday morning by 9:30 a.m. People were lined up at the door before they were opened to get the item and by noon they had issued at least 20 rain checks. That's crazy. She said that I could come back on Friday or Saturday, after their next delivery truck had come, and see if they had any in stock. If they didn't they could scan my coupon and issue me a rain check to still get it free. That didn't work. I went in Friday and they were still out. I didn't want to come back on Saturday and bother them. Saturday I went to CVS and saw that they had a sale on the same items: Buy one get one 1/2 off (BOGO 1/2) So altogether I purchased 2 creams for a dollar and some change because I used both my $5 coupons and I didn't have to mess with the rain check. Not as good as free but almost. :D
When I first started couponing, I wasn't seeing the savings that everyone else was experiencing. The problem that I was having was that I was purchasing items from the coupons and still getting what I normally would. If you are doing this, you will be spending more on your grocery bill. Couponing is new habit you have to get accustomed to. Instead of getting Life cereal because it's what your family likes, they will have to get used to eating Honey Nut Cheerios because it's what you have a coupon for. It's a matter of a new lifestyle change that everyone in your family will have to agree on.
I've been watching the show "Extreme Couponing" lately. I have done a lot of reading about the show and what others have to say about it. There are several mixed reviews in light of the fraud that seems to be going on (please read this post about my thoughts on it) but that's not what I want to highlight. Several people have brought numerous ideals to it which I think are quite valuable:
1. With store policies, you cannot use that many coupons in one transaction. I don't care if your husband comes with you.
2. There is no way that a store would let you take up 4 hours in a check out lane.
3. If that were me in the check out lane, I would have one nasty cashier on my hands - this is something I don't want to deal with, ever.
4. Do you really need 77 bottles of mustard?
5. Your family is more important than couponing or hoarding/stockpiling items that you may or may not use.
6. With a television series, it is about advertising. Don't you think General Mills got a kickback for showing their brand on the show?
7. It's no longer about brand loyalty. If a company really wants you to buy their items, they will give a coupon for it.
8. This is something that they don't include in the show to balance how much of a savings they are actually receiving - the cost of computer paper, computer ink and the cost of the Sunday papers (especially for those who buy an extreme amount).
Don't get me wrong, there are some valuable lessons I have learned from the show and from my own experience:
1. Look through the circulars. Match and compare sale items with coupons.
2. Make sure to read the fine print of the coupon.
3. Write out a list. I'm a huge fan of apps available on my Droid (lovingly called "Andy") but with trying to navigate between several apps to find what I need, a good 'ole fashioned notebook and pen work just great.
4. Several stores will have the same items on sale during the same week. Check the circulars to see who has the better deal.
5. Talk to people and see if they are not using their coupons, see if you can use them if they are not.
6. DONATE or GIVE AWAY any items that you will not use. There is no sense of keeping items that will go bad if you won't use them. I have even given some away as Christmas gifts. Guess what you're getting this year? I got a great deal once at Kroger for some deodorant for free. But if my husband isn't going to use it, might as well give it someone who can use it. I didn't pay anything for it and giving it to someone (without strings attached) is a much better feeling than walking out of the store without having to pay for it.
7. Just because you have a coupon, doesn't mean that you have to use it. Read above about using coupons for brand names compared to the store brand.
8. Instead of basing your grocery bill on your menus, base your meals on your pantry. Meaning whatever sale deals you were able to score, plan your meals to what you have, not what you have to purchase.
9. When I would shop before, the bigger item was always the better deal, but the coupon deal, sometimes, the smaller item is the better deal, especially if you can get away with getting it free.
10. Talk to friends to share or compare deals that you can get.
5.11.2011
My thoughts on J'aime Kirlew - Extreme Couponing
(Was originally written for a response to another blog)
When I first watched the episode of Extreme Couponing with J'aime, I was in amazement, but after reading several blogs about the fraud that she committed, I'm dumbfounded.
First off - we are not shown the entire grocery bill of what she purchased. Second - we do not know how long she had been saving the coupons that she used - meaning she could have used legitimate coupons for some of the items that she purchased.
All we know is what was shown on TV: 1 - the long grocery list that appears to have bar codes written - why? and 2 - the coupons for Fiber One cereal, but we are under the assumption that she used them on other cereal items.
All this to say, is that I'm confused as to where I stand on this. We need to give her the benefit of the doubt, AND we do not need to stone her. I am not saying that I agree with what she did (or didn't do) but it just seems like people have just instantly gone off on her. I am a couponer - have been for the last 2 years - and I don't want the integrity of honest couponers to be in jeopardy. We all need to all take a long look in the mirror and see that we all have a log in our own eye before we start pointing at the speck in hers.
First off - we are not shown the entire grocery bill of what she purchased. Second - we do not know how long she had been saving the coupons that she used - meaning she could have used legitimate coupons for some of the items that she purchased.
All we know is what was shown on TV: 1 - the long grocery list that appears to have bar codes written - why? and 2 - the coupons for Fiber One cereal, but we are under the assumption that she used them on other cereal items.
All this to say, is that I'm confused as to where I stand on this. We need to give her the benefit of the doubt, AND we do not need to stone her. I am not saying that I agree with what she did (or didn't do) but it just seems like people have just instantly gone off on her. I am a couponer - have been for the last 2 years - and I don't want the integrity of honest couponers to be in jeopardy. We all need to all take a long look in the mirror and see that we all have a log in our own eye before we start pointing at the speck in hers.
6.05.2010
Starting a new chapter
Well it's official, I will be leaving GCS after 11 years.
I might be back here and there, but officially, I will no longer be a full time employee with the school (unless God has different ideas about that). My plan is to be done by June 30. That will give me time to wrap up things in my classroom, pack up my stuff, finish the yearbook and say goodbye to old friends. I know that I have not been at GCS the longest, but it is the only job that I have this many years. The second comes at 5 years. My family and I have vested so much into it.
The other day I was sitting in my classroom, looking at the walls and thinking. It hasn't dawned on me yet, I haven't had the emotional downfall that I know will come, of the knowledge of leaving this place and not coming back. It has been a great ride; an interesting journey. I'm ready though. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life.
I have always said that this is the door that I feel that God is taking me through. I don't know where He'll put my next step, but I trust and have faith that God will direct my path. It is in Him that I trust.
Thank you to all my colleagues - past and present, you have been a rock. Your support and encouragement has meant more to me than you will ever know. A very special thank you to Lora McMillan - she's one the one who started the process of getting my foot in the door at GCS.
Thank you to all the students I have had. You have made it...interesting? Yeah, that! Seriously...sorry if it ever seemed like I was being tough on you - it was all for good reasons though. I have said to all my students that I have always thought of them as my own children and I always wanted the best for them. Nothing less. You will always be thought of; your successes will be always be prayed for.
To the class of 2010 - thank you for being there for Sarah. From the late night sleepovers, tea/birthday and Christmas parties, it has made for some great memories. I have seen you grow in to young adults over the last 18 years. You will always have a special place in our hearts.
Thank you to my family - for all the times that they have had to bear with my late night hours; missing out on family time and events. Your love and encouragement means so much.
I might be back here and there, but officially, I will no longer be a full time employee with the school (unless God has different ideas about that). My plan is to be done by June 30. That will give me time to wrap up things in my classroom, pack up my stuff, finish the yearbook and say goodbye to old friends. I know that I have not been at GCS the longest, but it is the only job that I have this many years. The second comes at 5 years. My family and I have vested so much into it.
The other day I was sitting in my classroom, looking at the walls and thinking. It hasn't dawned on me yet, I haven't had the emotional downfall that I know will come, of the knowledge of leaving this place and not coming back. It has been a great ride; an interesting journey. I'm ready though. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life.
I have always said that this is the door that I feel that God is taking me through. I don't know where He'll put my next step, but I trust and have faith that God will direct my path. It is in Him that I trust.
Thank you to all my colleagues - past and present, you have been a rock. Your support and encouragement has meant more to me than you will ever know. A very special thank you to Lora McMillan - she's one the one who started the process of getting my foot in the door at GCS.
Thank you to all the students I have had. You have made it...interesting? Yeah, that! Seriously...sorry if it ever seemed like I was being tough on you - it was all for good reasons though. I have said to all my students that I have always thought of them as my own children and I always wanted the best for them. Nothing less. You will always be thought of; your successes will be always be prayed for.
To the class of 2010 - thank you for being there for Sarah. From the late night sleepovers, tea/birthday and Christmas parties, it has made for some great memories. I have seen you grow in to young adults over the last 18 years. You will always have a special place in our hearts.
Thank you to my family - for all the times that they have had to bear with my late night hours; missing out on family time and events. Your love and encouragement means so much.
3.28.2010
Why we do what we do...or more like why I do what I do
Originally posted to my MySpace account on July 7, 2007
Do you ever wonder why you do certain things to certain people? For example (2 actually...) my husband, Tim, wants the toilet paper hung on the toilet paper dispenser the "right" way. Now I know what his version of the "right" way is, but do I do that (FYI-the toilet paper hanging according to Tim is over the top)? To be honest with you, the first time he politely got mad at me for hanging it "wrong," I laughed at him in the face. I said, "Honey, you're lucky it even got hung on the dispenser at all!" So when I hang the toilet paper roll on the dispenser, I just grab it and hope for the best. Most chances, it's "wrong" but I figure he's [lucky] that it even got on there at all!
The second example is I don't hang his clothes, more specifically his button up shirts (includes polos, button up collar shirts, any shirt that has a top button on it), correctly. Perfection to Tim is that they all have to have the top button done up, the collar folded down perfectly (not sloppy) and facing to the left. Now again, when I was told this, I laughed at him. The poor poor guy will never realize that when he makes such a nuisance over [silly] things, I will not go out of my way to make sure these things will get done his way.
Now, to some, this may seem like I don't love him. Don't get me wrong, I love Tim. He's had to put up with my own quarkiness and such for the past 16 years for example… how much I am not a housekeeper or how my side of the bed will always look worse than his or how my cooking will never be served in a 5 star restaurant. I guess I will never understand the reason why I don't do it his way compared to him doing things my way. It's a give and take in a marriage… we have a lifetime to figure it out.
I'm willing to find out where it will take us…
In honor of Kelly Dale Shipley
Originally posted to my MySpace account on June 27, 2007
December 16, 1966-June 17, 2007
On Sunday, June 17, 2007, I lost my brother Kelly Dale Shipley. I am sorry to say that I was not very close to him like I should have been. We had some unresolved issues and at the end of his Memorial service I asked him if he would forgive me. I don't know if he heard me asking or if I'll ever know if he accepted my apology, but I believe it was a step to a healing that I needed.
When I heard that he had died, I was in shock. I am still to this day waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Will I ever wake up and realize that what I had was right next to me, 10 minutes away? Or will I just go on to my normal routine of life and just hope that I can get carried away from the craziness that it has caused?
Will the pain ever subside? How can life go on without him? What about his son?
What is it going to be like when the holidays roll around, especially for the first ones that come? His birthday, Christmas, 4th of July? Speaking of which…two years ago, when I had most of my family over at my house, I remember going out of my house into the garage and seeing Kelly feeding his son Kelly. I remember the scene vaguely, but I do remember that he loved that boy so much. Which reminds me of the last time I seen Kelly…it was a few weeks ago. I was walking out of the store when I seen Kelly holding his son in his arms. After a brief greeting, I looked back at them as they walked on into the store and thought Kelly would do anything for that boy and how much he loved him.
How many times have I missed on telling him that I loved him? How many times did I not stop by his house, just to say hi? How many times did it seem like I was too busy for him? He didn't feel like he could come to me for anything. He didn't feel like he could call me and know that I would have been there. Why is that? I blame myself for that. Not Kelly. I didn't make myself available to be there for him. It will be something that I will carry for the rest of my life. I know he had his life and I had mine. A lot of times they didn't match, but that should not have mattered to the fact that we were family.
If there was anything good that came out of his death, it is the importance of relationships, especially in families. If you have brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, best friends, etc. keep the line of communication open. Don't let something like death make you realize how important they were to you. If you have siblings, remember they may be all you have someday. They will see you through EVERYTHING. They are the ones to love you at all times. It may be hard to call on them to let them know you've screwed up or that you need help, but they will love you unconditionally.
Someday I know I will be able to think of Kelly without crying or getting upset about his death, about what/who he had left behind. Someday a sense of closure will happen.
What did that sign say?
This was originally posted on May 26, 2007 on my MySpace account.
I was reading on some blogs earlier today (yeah it really is 3:38 a.m., Ohio time) about waiting for a sign. Do we really need to ask God for a sign to see if this or that situation is His will? I can understand (I can't think of a specific reason) that you want to do His will, but for God to show you a sign? Where is the leap of faith in that? If you are constantly looking for God's approval through a sign, how will God really know you trust Him?
I was reading on some blogs earlier today (yeah it really is 3:38 a.m., Ohio time) about waiting for a sign. Do we really need to ask God for a sign to see if this or that situation is His will? I can understand (I can't think of a specific reason) that you want to do His will, but for God to show you a sign? Where is the leap of faith in that? If you are constantly looking for God's approval through a sign, how will God really know you trust Him?
Finding true love...
This was originally posted on my MySpace back on December 30, 2006 - just trying to bring all my blogs under one page (or in this case, site).
After being married for over 25 years, my parents divorced. It was a lot harder to take than I realized. I remember shortly after I had gotten married, we had to move to West Virginia
Another relationship that has shaken my thoughts on marriage was a friendship with a couple that we went to church together. It really has taken a toll on my husband. I see troublesome looks on his face. He dreams about them. He wakes up almost tormented by the breaking up his close friends. These were people who we had bible studies with, whom we went over to each others homes and had meals, went to the movies together, had New Year's Eve parties with, prayed with, challenged us in our walk with the Lord, laughed and reminisced about the past with and hoped in the future together. How could something like this happen?
It scares me that even though (I think) Tim and I have a strong relationship built on love and the foundation of Christ, will we last? I try not to take Tim's and I relationship for granted. I've read and heard about people who kissed their loved ones in the morning good bye, never realizing that it was going to be the last time they would see each other. I think after reading this last statement you would think that I am a worrywart or a paranoid person. Maybe I am. I do tend to worry a lot. Worrying is a sign of lacking in faith, so I try not to do it too much. I know God has my life and the lives of the ones that I love in the palm of His hand. No matter how much worry or consulting God on what I think He should do, is going to change/alter the plan He already has set out for. I have heard many times where numerous of people have gotten saved at a person's funeral. I hope to live a life where people can say that what I did in my life was not for my own sake or glory but for the glory of the One that gave me life.
The first step on the road of healing is admittance of a problem. So here goes, I am a very selfish person. There I admit it. I want a car that can get me from point A to point B and then back to A (like no one else does?). I want my family to be comfortable (what's that?). I want a fulfilling life (isn't having a loving husband and two beautiful children enough?). I want my life to have meaning. Do you now know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.3
2-1 Corinthians 3:11
3-1 Corinthians 6:19-20
Regretting the past and refining the future
I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemy but have set me in a safe place.
Psalm 31: 7-8 NLT
I have lived my life lately, it seems, in a lot of regret: regretting that I didn't complete my college degree; regretting that I didn't stay at my first real job-for the possibilities that could have led to; and regretting that I am not the person that God wants me to become. The latter is what is really alarming to me. All the other things will pass away, but not becoming the person that God expects me to be, can be somewhat disappointing to me, my family and to my Lord. If I am not doing the things that God wants me to do, I will always wander aimlessly in this world.
I have led a life that to others would seem like the "ideal" life. I have a wonderful family with a beautiful house; a loving extended family; and a fulfilling but busy job. Then why is it that my heart craves for more? Is it the question in my mind that I have left too many things in my past unfinished-not knowing exactly who my birth parents are; not finishing college? And yet, I live this life in limbo. Not knowing where the wind will take me next. Of course I know that God plans my life for a purpose. Have I completed my purpose yet? I really don't think so. I have not yet arrived.
God knows our past whether in accomplishment or in failure. That is why I like the Psalm 31:7-8 passage. God knows me better than I know myself, which is pretty scary. Even though my soul may be in anguish, He has not forgotten about me or left me to wander in the forest. He is always just a word away. How often do we forget that?
I love the last part of this passage. "He has set me in a safe place." How many times have we thought to ourselves that because we are wallowing in our anguish that God cannot keep us from harm? Too many times we get caught up in our selfish wants and needs. We need (want) the newest and best gadget out there. We need (want) the best paying job. We need (want) a very fulfilling career. All we really need is our basic needs met. Our daily bread. That is what Jesus taught us to pray. Maybe our daily bread is just to go to work and forget our troubles. Maybe our daily bread is just to stay in bed for the day to recuperate from a long week. Maybe our daily bread is just to be in sanctuary with Him. Sometimes our daily bread changes from day to day, only God knows our needs from moment to moment.
I am trying to get passed the regretting in my own life. I am reminded constantly by the quote- "Carpe Diem" or seize the day. I have not seized every moment possible to me, and no, I have not made the most of my days. But I know God is still there reaching out to me, only to remind me of what lies ahead is forgiveness and restoration. Are there things in your past that you regretted not doing or do you regret missing those once in a lifetime opportunities? Remember that only God can bring forgiveness to your soul and there is where he will refine you to a perfect shine.
2.15.2010
My thorn in the flesh
My grandma once told me that we all have a thorn in the flesh that is like a trial we have to deal with. It's not easy and sometimes there may not be a solution. For the most part it's something that you have to deal with on a constant basis. Mine are my sinuses.
About 11 days ago, I woke up early on a Saturday morning, with my mind going a thousand different directions, so I decided to get up and get some work done. This was early in the morning and as I was sitting at the computer, I started sneezing. Not just once or twice, but constantly. About mid morning I had run through at least 20 tissues and I kept thinking "I can't get sick, I can't get sick." It felt like I had a cold; I don't get colds very often and wouldn't you believe it that about a couple of days before that, I thought that I should probably start taking my Vitamin C tablets again because Ohio for some reason attracts snow. I got worse throughout the day, using more tissues and my poor family had to suffer through hearing me sniffle, blow, blow-shreek, honk and whimper because I wasn't feeling well at all.
For next 4 days that followed, I spent the day in bed. I could tell my sinuses were the culprit, so I started taking Tylenol Sinus and Vitamin C. I was totally amazed that my sinuses would wipe me out throughout the day - I would nap, and I was only coherent for a few minutes before I felt like I had to go back into hibernation. By Thursday, I had had it, so I dragged myself to the doctor and had pretty much diagnosed myself. When I told him that I really didn't want a prescription because I'm allergic to 3 different antibiotics, he agreed. So he told me a 2 OTC formula that would hopefully knock the congestion out of my body. We are on 4. It's been a slow process especially since I'm not on "real" medicine.
As for work (and thank God that last week we had 3 snow days in a row; and a 2 hour delay) I only missed 1.8 days of work although I did do work during my "sick" days. I built a website. Hey I had to find something in between my "snotting" around (thanks Grandma for the terminology).
Throughout this 11 day journey of self medicating my sinuses, I have found the following:
1. I don't like it when people start having my same symptoms - they may want to start taking my medicine.
2. When you tell people that you have sinus problems, everyone has a story.
3. I can milk it pretty good with my husband. I honestly try not to, but if he is so willing to pamper me, I take him up on it...sometimes?
4. I have blown enough snot out of my nose to equal the weight of a 1 month old baby. No wonder my rings felt loose when I put them back on...
5. I'm the only one to announce that I'm on a Level 3 Tissue Emergency.
6. I panic when someone starts using the tissues for other things.
7. I have grown to hate cold weather.
8. I'm beginning to consider the stay at home job that has been vacant since it had been unfilled once I decided to go back to work several years ago.
9. I had blown into so many tissues by day 7 that I could fill 2 empty tissue boxes with all the used tissues that were laying around my side of the bed.
10. Kleenex tissues that read "Antiviral" are not soft.
11. There is not enough makeup or chap stick to take away or hide the new blush color that appears under my nose from all the wiping that I've done.
12. Not being able to smell does have it's advantages...especially when certain loved ones who like to leave "odors" behind them.
13. I hate it when my ears are plugged. My right ear has not been the same since I've been sick.
14. When I went to the doctor, I was thrilled that he said that my left sinus was swollen really bad. I only say this because to let him know that it isn't just my imagination that I'm feeling like this, it was...can I say "legit?"
About 11 days ago, I woke up early on a Saturday morning, with my mind going a thousand different directions, so I decided to get up and get some work done. This was early in the morning and as I was sitting at the computer, I started sneezing. Not just once or twice, but constantly. About mid morning I had run through at least 20 tissues and I kept thinking "I can't get sick, I can't get sick." It felt like I had a cold; I don't get colds very often and wouldn't you believe it that about a couple of days before that, I thought that I should probably start taking my Vitamin C tablets again because Ohio for some reason attracts snow. I got worse throughout the day, using more tissues and my poor family had to suffer through hearing me sniffle, blow, blow-shreek, honk and whimper because I wasn't feeling well at all.
For next 4 days that followed, I spent the day in bed. I could tell my sinuses were the culprit, so I started taking Tylenol Sinus and Vitamin C. I was totally amazed that my sinuses would wipe me out throughout the day - I would nap, and I was only coherent for a few minutes before I felt like I had to go back into hibernation. By Thursday, I had had it, so I dragged myself to the doctor and had pretty much diagnosed myself. When I told him that I really didn't want a prescription because I'm allergic to 3 different antibiotics, he agreed. So he told me a 2 OTC formula that would hopefully knock the congestion out of my body. We are on 4. It's been a slow process especially since I'm not on "real" medicine.
As for work (and thank God that last week we had 3 snow days in a row; and a 2 hour delay) I only missed 1.8 days of work although I did do work during my "sick" days. I built a website. Hey I had to find something in between my "snotting" around (thanks Grandma for the terminology).
Throughout this 11 day journey of self medicating my sinuses, I have found the following:
1. I don't like it when people start having my same symptoms - they may want to start taking my medicine.
2. When you tell people that you have sinus problems, everyone has a story.
3. I can milk it pretty good with my husband. I honestly try not to, but if he is so willing to pamper me, I take him up on it...sometimes?
4. I have blown enough snot out of my nose to equal the weight of a 1 month old baby. No wonder my rings felt loose when I put them back on...
5. I'm the only one to announce that I'm on a Level 3 Tissue Emergency.
6. I panic when someone starts using the tissues for other things.
7. I have grown to hate cold weather.
8. I'm beginning to consider the stay at home job that has been vacant since it had been unfilled once I decided to go back to work several years ago.
9. I had blown into so many tissues by day 7 that I could fill 2 empty tissue boxes with all the used tissues that were laying around my side of the bed.
10. Kleenex tissues that read "Antiviral" are not soft.
11. There is not enough makeup or chap stick to take away or hide the new blush color that appears under my nose from all the wiping that I've done.
12. Not being able to smell does have it's advantages...especially when certain loved ones who like to leave "odors" behind them.
13. I hate it when my ears are plugged. My right ear has not been the same since I've been sick.
14. When I went to the doctor, I was thrilled that he said that my left sinus was swollen really bad. I only say this because to let him know that it isn't just my imagination that I'm feeling like this, it was...can I say "legit?"
After a somewhat long hiatus
Sorry for those of you who faithfully read my blogs {I know there are sooo many of you}, I have been suffering through this thing called LIFE...maybe you've heard of it?
Anyways, I have been drowning myself in technology business. I hopefully will be doing this on a more full time basis someday and in about 4 months, I will be venturing out into new realms of who knows what.
After spending several days preparing myself to launch the new email system for my employer, I have found that it was extremely easy - minus the old web host not being able to recognize the difference between a l (el) and a one and having service down for 2 and half days. I enjoyed doing it. It was a feeling of knowing that through God's help, I could do it. Then after spending 2 weeks looking at 22 different templates, trying them out and getting a feel of what I wanted, I redesigned my employer's website. After all said and done, it took me 3 days to get the website completed and it was a lot easier to launch the new IP address to read the new site than I could ever imagine. I called the old web host just to be safe, cancelled their service after I switched everything over.
I have been looking for more possible jobs to help fill the gap of our what seems to be declining income. Not a full time job, I already have one of those, but more on a freelance term. Today, after launching the new site for my employer, I had a friend mention to me that there is a church looking for a website designer. After a long talk, it sounds like a good possibility. Money? Well, since I'm not a professional at this, I really want the reference and if they feel so inclined to pay me something, then I will leave that in the Lord's hands.
Well needless to say after all this technology, I have decided to create a new blog (someday in the near future) called WIMP - Work in Marvel Progress where I will post my technology ideas and what has or hasn't worked in the past. Hopefully you'll be able to get some help from it because I'm finding that quite a few people ask me the same questions for the same situations. It''ll be a catch all for those who need help and I can't get to them right away. Watch for it to come very soon!
Anyways, I have been drowning myself in technology business. I hopefully will be doing this on a more full time basis someday and in about 4 months, I will be venturing out into new realms of who knows what.
After spending several days preparing myself to launch the new email system for my employer, I have found that it was extremely easy - minus the old web host not being able to recognize the difference between a l (el) and a one and having service down for 2 and half days. I enjoyed doing it. It was a feeling of knowing that through God's help, I could do it. Then after spending 2 weeks looking at 22 different templates, trying them out and getting a feel of what I wanted, I redesigned my employer's website. After all said and done, it took me 3 days to get the website completed and it was a lot easier to launch the new IP address to read the new site than I could ever imagine. I called the old web host just to be safe, cancelled their service after I switched everything over.
I have been looking for more possible jobs to help fill the gap of our what seems to be declining income. Not a full time job, I already have one of those, but more on a freelance term. Today, after launching the new site for my employer, I had a friend mention to me that there is a church looking for a website designer. After a long talk, it sounds like a good possibility. Money? Well, since I'm not a professional at this, I really want the reference and if they feel so inclined to pay me something, then I will leave that in the Lord's hands.
Well needless to say after all this technology, I have decided to create a new blog (someday in the near future) called WIMP - Work in Marvel Progress where I will post my technology ideas and what has or hasn't worked in the past. Hopefully you'll be able to get some help from it because I'm finding that quite a few people ask me the same questions for the same situations. It''ll be a catch all for those who need help and I can't get to them right away. Watch for it to come very soon!
3.17.2009
3.01.2009
Broken hearts of past and present
I write this with such a heavy heart today. It has been such a hard week to deal with; sometimes so overwhelming when I get to thinking about it too much. Last week I learned two things:
1: One of my best friends has decided to get a divorce from her husband. I'm not sure on the details and really I shouldn't need to know. I know from talking with her, I hurt for her. No one wants to go through a hardened marriage; one that seems so sure that it's over. It takes me back about 4 (?) years ago when we found out another one of our closest friends were getting divorced as well (We'll call this Couple A). This one shook my husband to the core. That marriage affected me a totally different way. I was so bent on that I would not let anything happen to my marriage like it did with Couple A. I was so sure on it! I remember when my husband went to get his wisdom teeth pulled how helpless (and funny) he seemed laying on that bed, in pain. My heart instantly went out to him. All I wanted to do was to take care of him. God revealed to me that day how important this man was to me; how much I loved him; how much we belong to each other; how much we are meant to be together forever. It was shortly after his teeth pulling and Couple's A's divorce that my world was shaken. I was the one who was at fault. Couple A's marriage affected me a totally different way than I expected. I'm not blaming them for anything, let alone anything I did, but it caused me to see how weak I was. I was not immune to the traps of this world. God grabbed me by the shoulders one day; shook me and asked me, "Are you willing to throw away everything that you have for something that you're not even sure of?" It has been a long recovery to where we are now. We are still working through the skeletons, but by God's ever-lasting love and work in us; we take each day one at a time.
So now the question looms with Couple B; how will this affect my marriage? I know my husband and I are the ones who can influence how our life will turn out. We have the [power] to say "yes" and "no" to environmental influences; we are the ones who will have to turn the other cheek to temptations. My heart aches for Couple B, I'm not sure what the future will hold for them, but my prayer will and always be: May they find each other again in this life.
2: I have come to realize that this coming year marks my 20 year high school class reunion. I keep asking myself, am I really that old to be out of school for that long? No figuring that I have a 17 year old daughter or that it was 20 years ago that I last took Spanish. Am I really old enough to be celebrating 20 years of post high school life? Well the drama it seems is what/where to do at the reunion. It seems as though some of us have not grown up since 1989 and want to keep splurging in our own gluttony of booze and who knows what else. Someone said that they are a mother every day of their life and for one day out of their life, once every five years to be who they were when they were in high school. (Brace yourself, here's where the venting comes...)
Ok, I am a wife, a mother, a working employee, a tax payer. It doesn't matter if I'm at a reunion, at work, or at my home. I am not defined by who I was then or by a "one day of vacation" from it all, I am still all that was mentioned before. I cannot take a vacation from who I am NOW. I can still reminisce about high school days, but it shouldn't take away who I am now. I am glad I am not the person I was before. (Granted I wasn't really anybody back then and probably still not). If I need to go back to relive my "glory days" to make myself feel good, then I'm sorry, I'm setting myself up for a big letdown. I have lived life, I have been where most want to be, I have the American Dream...although in reflection, I complain a lot about it (selfishly). I remember going to my husband's 10 year class reunion and it was way classier than what our 10 year class reunion was. It's not a competition. It's not who I am, but for goodness sakes, haven't we passed a moment in life where we can act like adults? Do reunions mean we have to act like idiots like we did when were that age? Maybe this is why I never felt like I belonged in this class.
I'm not sure if I'll attend the reunion, after all the ruckus I've caused, I probably should, but I want to bring my husband and kids and show them what world I lived in before I became wife and mother. Even though I was a nerd and geek then (and maybe still am) doesn't mean that is who I am now (or maybe it does).[The venting has stopped.]
I haven't slept well this week, with the divorce and class reunion on my mind. Every time I think of my upcoming reunion I go back to those insecurities I felt before: alone, unpopular, unloved, un-noticed, forgetable.
1.27.2009
1.05.2009
My moment of panic
It all started when I went to the dentist when she suggested I start using Colgate Toothpaste. Now I noticed on the tube that they gave me, it said Total on it. So I would assume that this is the kind that she wants me to use. I go to my local Wal-Mart; I head straight to the HBA department (for some reason, I love those letters together...HBA) and look in the toothpaste aisle. While staring at the multitude of teeth cleaning products I head straight to the Colgate section. I'm thinking to myself, I've done this a million times over and over, I can find what I want...I can get this done in no time at all. Well did I tell you I had a coupon in hand? Since I used the coupon, I can't tell you what it said of what Colgate product it was good on. But I looked and I looked in the midst of examining the vast variety of what I wanted I came up with this [small] list. Did you know that Colgate comes in (and I'm sure that I'm just scratching the surface) a multitude of varieties? But here is what was staring me in the face and making me hyperventilate at the same time:
Colgate Advanced Whitening
Colgate Advanced Fresh
Colgate Advanced Clean
Colgate Total
Colgate MaxFresh
Colgate Cavity Protection
Colgate Luminous
Colgate Sparking White
Now needless to say each of these can come in a paste or a gel. Since I'm not a fan of paste, I always get the gel. How many times did I look at my coupon, look at the shelves (three of them) glance back at the coupon, search on the shelves, look back at the coupon, investigate the shelves...I think you get the idea. I am "a perfectionist" in the way that I need to follow the rules on the coupons. I think all it takes is one person to screw up for the rest of us not to follow the rules of the coupon and you can kiss the $1.50 savings bye-bye. Now I'm not naieve to think that no one has ever violated the coupon rules, but it would be just my luck that I wouldn't follow the rules to a "t" and when I get to the counter there will be an alarm that will go off or the register won't accept the coupon. If the toothpaste that I thought I wanted wasn't listed on the coupon, then I would have to search for another one that I thought would be on the list. Since the coupon was for a $1.50 off I thought I would splurge and go for the bigger tube...bigger coupon, bigger savings. There were so many times I would find the toothpaste that I wanted and only to find that the store either didn't sell or was sold out in the gel formula, it was only available in the paste form. So off in pursuit for another tube...
I found myself after about 15 minutes of staring into a wilderness of toothpaste, panicking. How come I couldn't find what I wanted? How hard could this be? I have found myself asking this...and this goes with everything not just toothpaste...How come I can't find a tube of toothpaste that has the Total Advanced fresh cleaning, cavity protecting, luminous, sparkling white that will also fight tartar, give you fresh breath, fights gingivitis in a gel form? I want my toothpaste that will do it all. What is so wrong with that? Do these toothpaste companies think that I will brush my teeth with 8 different versions that is all supposed to different things. Give me a tube of toothpaste that will do it all. Don't do anything to it that will confuse me later. Keep the ingredients the same, improve the ingredients, don't change the purpose or the name and you'll have a consumer for life...me!
This also goes along with detergent (we could go into another tangent on that one...maybe later...maybe another blog on that). Why can't I find a detergent that will do it all? Fight stains, with bleach, fresh smelling, easy on the environment (whatever), have a built in softener in it, whitens, I think you know what I mean. My brand here: Gain.
PS - I ended up purchasing a 4.0 oz tube of the Coltage Total Advanced Fresh Gel. No fancy actions like the MaxFresh that I wanted. I went small and I went with boring.
11.28.2008
Life in the slow cooker or microwave
This morning after a healthy - and I do mean HEARTY - Thanksgiving holiday it has occurred to me about our life in general. We have so purposely made everything so fast and easy for people to get things whether that is through the internet or through calling in and purchasing items. What ever happened to waiting for your turn? Or waiting for it through the trusty US postal service? We've often heard the degrading remarks of snail mail compared to email...I myself have called it that myself (apologies). What ever happened to making things personal, and I'm not talking about taking things so personal either - that's another subject. Receiving a handwritten letter from someone mean so much more to me than getting an email anymore. It's that personal touch, it's meaning that someone took that extra step in showing me that they care. What about teens today that text message people more than they do, calling people? I feel that I should reduce the services on my daughter's cell phone service, because I rarely see her call anybody on it; it's just a text messaging tool. I recently heard a news article on TV about how teens send more text messages than actually calling people and talking to them. We have trained our children - and we are to fault - that it's okay to shun away from people and forget that they are truly a person. Are they just a person on the other end of the message who sends random messages? I am guilty of this, thinking that I don't want to hold a full blown conversation with someone. I just text someone to either say mindless chit chat or if I have just one question or statement for them. I have seen my daughter text message people for hours. Whatever happened to just calling them and having a personal contact with them? I've also been told that I don't understand the concept of text messaging or teens today. It was't too long ago that I was one, I'd think I'd have some kinda clue...
Some would say that text messaging is a form of communication. I'd agree with that. But what I am saying is that they have taken the person out of it and made it so easy for people to hide away in their little hole and never have a reason for personal contact. A friend of mine once said that technology has made it so easy so that people don't have to worry about confrontation and that it makes it so that teens do not learn how to have a proper personal conversation with anybody. I'm beginning to see that is true. How are we raising our children to have a personal relationship with anybody? When a conflict occurs how will they learn to follow the Matthew 18 principle? How will they learn to confront the person and let them know they caused problems or "offended" someone. Like I said, I'm preaching to choir. I, myself, need to be talking to my kids about this. I am a fan of technology - I don't know where I'd be without it, since this is my field - but I can see, sadly, how it has become a crutch for so many people.
Do you think that God meant for us to be so impersonal? What if He was? Think about that question...what if God was impersonal? God created us to have a PERSONAL relationship with Him. What if everytime He wanted to show or tell us something, he decided that the only way to do was through text messaging? Sure that definitely would get to us quickly - for those of us who do have that application. But even TM has problems. What if God wants to show us something instantaneous? What God can reveal to us, comes from our conscience through our heart, mind and soul, not our hand held device. If God did just text does that show us His heart? His heartfelt promise to us?
Picture this if you will: When you become saved, God doesn't reveal everything to you BOOM! You know everything! No, if He did, you would become so disoriented and confused; overwhelmed. God likes to turn things on slow (at times) and let you grow and mature over time. If He put you in a microwave, and had you know things right away, you wouldn't understand it, your mind would be on overload. Why do you think that when God created us, He created us as babies? I like to think God likes the slow cooker or Crock pot. When you cook in a crock pot, you put all your ingredients in a stoneware bowl and put your ingredients in and let it slow cook for hours on end, dependent on what temperature you've placed it. Don't you think God works the same way? He has put us in a safe place (earth), seasoned us with His love and wisdom - if asked for it - and through our times of arriving to the end result, we have been transformed to something that was once hard, raw and disgusting to something that is pleasing to eyes and ears. Hopefully our aroma is something that is pleasing as well - do we give off a smell of religion or a smell of personal relationship with God? He reveals to us in small doses of information. And once we are finished we're primed for anything that tries to come against us. We have been simmering for some time now, we have been through the trials; we are a work in progress; a work in MARVEL progress.
Good things come to those who wait.
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