Finding true love...

This was originally posted on my MySpace back on December 30, 2006 - just trying to bring all my blogs under one page (or in this case, site).

After being married for over 25 years, my parents divorced. It was a lot harder to take than I realized. I remember shortly after I had gotten married, we had to move to West Virginia, one of my sisters called me. She was the one that was always the funny one; she could always make me laugh, even to this day. But she was crying over the phone and being over 300 miles away, I felt helpless. She was scared and confused and there was nothing I could do to help her. I don't recall the entire phone call, I just remember her crying and hearing her cry was just unbearable. I always felt like I had to take sides at the beginning of the separation. My parents never said I had to, it just seemed like it was an unspoken request. I'm sure a lot of children from divorced parents feel like this. I feel like I am just now able to build a relationship with my dad and my stepmom. That is such a weird word for me to even speak. I never thought I would have divorced parents. I recall one time when I was little as I was helping my mother in the kitchen if she thought if her and dad would ever get divorced. She said, "No. We love each other too much." That conversation haunts me to this day. Is loving each other enough to keep a relationship strong? For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.²

Another relationship that has shaken my thoughts on marriage was a friendship with a couple that we went to church together. It really has taken a toll on my husband. I see troublesome looks on his face. He dreams about them. He wakes up almost tormented by the breaking up his close friends. These were people who we had bible studies with, whom we went over to each others homes and had meals, went to the movies together, had New Year's Eve parties with, prayed with, challenged us in our walk with the Lord, laughed and reminisced about the past with and hoped in the future together. How could something like this happen?

It scares me that even though (I think) Tim and I have a strong relationship built on love and the foundation of Christ, will we last? I try not to take Tim's and I relationship for granted. I've read and heard about people who kissed their loved ones in the morning good bye, never realizing that it was going to be the last time they would see each other. I think after reading this last statement you would think that I am a worrywart or a paranoid person. Maybe I am. I do tend to worry a lot. Worrying is a sign of lacking in faith, so I try not to do it too much. I know God has my life and the lives of the ones that I love in the palm of His hand. No matter how much worry or consulting God on what I think He should do, is going to change/alter the plan He already has set out for. I have heard many times where numerous of people have gotten saved at a person's funeral. I hope to live a life where people can say that what I did in my life was not for my own sake or glory but for the glory of the One that gave me life.

The first step on the road of healing is admittance of a problem. So here goes, I am a very selfish person. There I admit it. I want a car that can get me from point A to point B and then back to A (like no one else does?). I want my family to be comfortable (what's that?). I want a fulfilling life (isn't having a loving husband and two beautiful children enough?). I want my life to have meaning. Do you now know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.³

2-1 Corinthians 3:11

3-1 Corinthians 6:19-20