Conversation Life Support

When I was young, I was very shy. I was never sure if this was because of my biological heritage or if it was because I never had anything to say. Well after after so many years, I'm beginning to think it's the latter. I have a hard time holding conversations with someone. I have a hard time with small talk. To some, small talk is easy and maybe it is all they can really do, but for me, if I spend most of the conversation fighting myself with  "What can I say next?" I find that I'm not really paying attention to what they are saying at the time. Come on, there are only so many times you can ask about the weather or if they have gotten a haircut lately.

My youngest daughter and I are alike with this. We have friends, but it's a very small group and if we don't know you well enough, it could take ages for us to be able to sustain a meaningful conversation with you. This is even a problem with people we know. I honestly have to say I sometimes steer clear from people who I might not know that well, so that way I don't have to fight with myself on how to keep the conversation going. Now for those that I know are extreme talkers, I don't have worry about this battle. If in the past you have proven yourself a confirmed conversationalist then you are the person that I want to talk [listen] to. I might be able to interject a sentence or two but if I don't have to worry about where the dialogue will go, then I can fully enjoy a talk with you.

My husband and my oldest daughter are quite a bit alike. They are the social people in our small family of four. They could go up to strangers and hold meaningful conversations with them that could mean absolutely nothing to me and come out from it better people. One day I talked with my oldest daughter about my trouble with small talk and she offered the following:

1. Ask questions. She said that if you ask questions about themselves, it helps to keep the dialogue going.

2. Ending the conversation: Say something about needing to go somewhere or wanting to catch up with someone that you haven't seen in awhile.

Ending the conversation is an extreme battle that tortures me as well. So what happens if you're done talking and you want to leave the exchange? How awkward it is when they are done with you and they instantly go to another person to talk to and you are left in their wake. Or what happens if you are the one who is done, so how do you leave the person so they are not left holding the bag?

One thing that annoys me to no end is when you are talking with me and while I'm talking your eyes go elsewhere during the conversation. To me when I see this it makes me think that what I have to say is not important to you and that you need to probably move on to the next person because I am boring you with my speech. Sadly, if the other person's eyes starts to wander while I'm talking, I start to do the same thing. Maybe I'm doing this to let me know what they are doing or to show them that what they are doing is starting to offend me.

Wow, for someone who has a hard time keeping a conversation going, this blog seems to go on and on. Maybe I don't have a hard time keeping the conversation going with myself.