Starting a new chapter

Well it's official, I will be leaving GCS after 11 years.

I might be back here and there, but officially, I will no longer be a full time employee with the school (unless God has different ideas about that). My plan is to be done by June 30. That will give me time to wrap up things in my classroom, pack up my stuff, finish the yearbook and say goodbye to old friends. I know that I have not been at GCS the longest, but it is the only job that I have this many years. The second comes at 5 years. My family and I have vested so much into it.

The other day I was sitting in my classroom, looking at the walls and thinking. It hasn't dawned on me yet, I haven't had the emotional downfall that I know will come, of the knowledge of leaving this place and not coming back. It has been a great ride; an interesting journey. I'm ready though. I'm ready to start a new chapter in my life.

I have always said that this is the door that I feel that God is taking me through. I don't know where He'll put my next step, but I trust and have faith that God will direct my path. It is in Him that I trust.

Thank you to all my colleagues - past and present, you have been a rock. Your support and encouragement has meant more to me than you will ever know. A very special thank you to Lora McMillan - she's one the one who started the process of getting my foot in the door at GCS.

Thank you to all the students I have had. You have made it...interesting? Yeah, that! Seriously...sorry if it ever seemed like I was being tough on you - it was all for good reasons though. I have said to all my students that I have always thought of them as my own children and I always wanted the best for them. Nothing less. You will always be thought of; your successes will be always be prayed for.

To the class of 2010 - thank you for being there for Sarah. From the late night sleepovers, tea/birthday and Christmas parties, it has made for some great memories. I have seen you grow in to young adults over the last 18 years. You will always have a special place in our hearts.

Thank you to my family - for all the times that they have had to bear with my late night hours; missing out on family time and events. Your love and encouragement means so much.

Why we do what we do...or more like why I do what I do

Originally posted to my MySpace account on July 7, 2007

Do you ever wonder why you do certain things to certain people? For example (2 actually...) my husband, Tim, wants the toilet paper hung on the toilet paper dispenser the "right" way. Now I know what his version of the "right" way is, but do I do that (FYI-the toilet paper hanging according to Tim is over the top)? To be honest with you, the first time he politely got mad at me for hanging it "wrong," I laughed at him in the face. I said, "Honey, you're lucky it even got hung on the dispenser at all!" So when I hang the toilet paper roll on the dispenser, I just grab it and hope for the best. Most chances, it's "wrong" but I figure he's [lucky] that it even got on there at all!

The second example is I don't hang his clothes, more specifically his button up shirts (includes polos, button up collar shirts, any shirt that has a top button on it), correctly. Perfection to Tim is that they all have to have the top button done up, the collar folded down perfectly (not sloppy) and facing to the left. Now again, when I was told this, I laughed at him. The poor poor guy will never realize that when he makes such a nuisance over [silly] things, I will not go out of my way to make sure these things will get done his way.

Now, to some, this may seem like I don't love him. Don't get me wrong, I love Tim. He's had to put up with my own quarkiness and such for the past 16 years for example… how much I am not a housekeeper or how my side of the bed will always look worse than his or how my cooking will never be served in a 5 star restaurant. I guess I will never understand the reason why I don't do it his way compared to him doing things my way. It's a give and take in a marriage… we have a lifetime to figure it out.

I'm willing to find out where it will take us…

In honor of Kelly Dale Shipley

Originally posted to my MySpace account on June 27, 2007

December 16, 1966-June 17, 2007

On Sunday, June 17, 2007, I lost my brother Kelly Dale Shipley. I am sorry to say that I was not very close to him like I should have been. We had some unresolved issues and at the end of his Memorial service I asked him if he would forgive me. I don't know if he heard me asking or if I'll ever know if he accepted my apology, but I believe it was a step to a healing that I needed.

When I heard that he had died, I was in shock. I am still to this day waiting to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Will I ever wake up and realize that what I had was right next to me, 10 minutes away? Or will I just go on to my normal routine of life and just hope that I can get carried away from the craziness that it has caused?

Will the pain ever subside? How can life go on without him? What about his son?

What is it going to be like when the holidays roll around, especially for the first ones that come? His birthday, Christmas, 4^th of July? Speaking of which…two years ago, when I had most of my family over at my house, I remember going out of my house into the garage and seeing Kelly feeding his son Kelly. I remember the scene vaguely, but I do remember that he loved that boy so much. Which reminds me of the last time I seen Kelly…it was a few weeks ago. I was walking out of the store when I seen Kelly holding his son in his arms. After a brief greeting, I looked back at them as they walked on into the store and thought Kelly would do anything for that boy and how much he loved him.

How many times have I missed on telling him that I loved him? How many times did I not stop by his house, just to say hi? How many times did it seem like I was too busy for him? He didn't feel like he could come to me for anything. He didn't feel like he could call me and know that I would have been there. Why is that? I blame myself for that. Not Kelly. I didn't make myself available to be there for him. It will be something that I will carry for the rest of my life. I know he had his life and I had mine. A lot of times they didn't match, but that should not have mattered to the fact that we were family.

If there was anything good that came out of his death, it is the importance of relationships, especially in families. If you have brothers, sisters, parents, grandparents, best friends, etc. keep the line of communication open. Don't let something like death make you realize how important they were to you. If you have siblings, remember they may be all you have someday. They will see you through EVERYTHING. They are the ones to love you at all times. It may be hard to call on them to let them know you've screwed up or that you need help, but they will love you unconditionally.

Someday I know I will be able to think of Kelly without crying or getting upset about his death, about what/who he had left behind. Someday a sense of closure will happen.

What did that sign say?

This was originally posted on May 26, 2007 on my MySpace account.


I was reading on some blogs earlier today (yeah it really is 3:38 a.m., Ohio time) about waiting for a sign. Do we really need to ask God for a sign to see if this or that situation is His will? I can understand (I can't think of a specific reason) that you want to do His will, but for God to show you a sign? Where is the leap of faith in that? If you are constantly looking for God's approval through a sign, how will God really know you trust Him?

Finding true love...

This was originally posted on my MySpace back on December 30, 2006 - just trying to bring all my blogs under one page (or in this case, site).

After being married for over 25 years, my parents divorced. It was a lot harder to take than I realized. I remember shortly after I had gotten married, we had to move to West Virginia, one of my sisters called me. She was the one that was always the funny one; she could always make me laugh, even to this day. But she was crying over the phone and being over 300 miles away, I felt helpless. She was scared and confused and there was nothing I could do to help her. I don't recall the entire phone call, I just remember her crying and hearing her cry was just unbearable. I always felt like I had to take sides at the beginning of the separation. My parents never said I had to, it just seemed like it was an unspoken request. I'm sure a lot of children from divorced parents feel like this. I feel like I am just now able to build a relationship with my dad and my stepmom. That is such a weird word for me to even speak. I never thought I would have divorced parents. I recall one time when I was little as I was helping my mother in the kitchen if she thought if her and dad would ever get divorced. She said, "No. We love each other too much." That conversation haunts me to this day. Is loving each other enough to keep a relationship strong? For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ.²

Another relationship that has shaken my thoughts on marriage was a friendship with a couple that we went to church together. It really has taken a toll on my husband. I see troublesome looks on his face. He dreams about them. He wakes up almost tormented by the breaking up his close friends. These were people who we had bible studies with, whom we went over to each others homes and had meals, went to the movies together, had New Year's Eve parties with, prayed with, challenged us in our walk with the Lord, laughed and reminisced about the past with and hoped in the future together. How could something like this happen?

It scares me that even though (I think) Tim and I have a strong relationship built on love and the foundation of Christ, will we last? I try not to take Tim's and I relationship for granted. I've read and heard about people who kissed their loved ones in the morning good bye, never realizing that it was going to be the last time they would see each other. I think after reading this last statement you would think that I am a worrywart or a paranoid person. Maybe I am. I do tend to worry a lot. Worrying is a sign of lacking in faith, so I try not to do it too much. I know God has my life and the lives of the ones that I love in the palm of His hand. No matter how much worry or consulting God on what I think He should do, is going to change/alter the plan He already has set out for. I have heard many times where numerous of people have gotten saved at a person's funeral. I hope to live a life where people can say that what I did in my life was not for my own sake or glory but for the glory of the One that gave me life.

The first step on the road of healing is admittance of a problem. So here goes, I am a very selfish person. There I admit it. I want a car that can get me from point A to point B and then back to A (like no one else does?). I want my family to be comfortable (what's that?). I want a fulfilling life (isn't having a loving husband and two beautiful children enough?). I want my life to have meaning. Do you now know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.³

2-1 Corinthians 3:11

3-1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Regretting the past and refining the future

I am overcome with joy because of your unfailing love, for you have seen my troubles, and you care about the anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to my enemy but have set me in a safe place.

Psalm 31: 7-8 NLT

I have lived my life lately, it seems, in a lot of regret: regretting that I didn't complete my college degree; regretting that I didn't stay at my first real job-for the possibilities that could have led to; and regretting that I am not the person that God wants me to become. The latter is what is really alarming to me. All the other things will pass away, but not becoming the person that God expects me to be, can be somewhat disappointing to me, my family and to my Lord. If I am not doing the things that God wants me to do, I will always wander aimlessly in this world.

I have led a life that to others would seem like the "ideal" life. I have a wonderful family with a beautiful house; a loving extended family; and a fulfilling but busy job. Then why is it that my heart craves for more? Is it the question in my mind that I have left too many things in my past unfinished-not knowing exactly who my birth parents are; not finishing college? And yet, I live this life in limbo. Not knowing where the wind will take me next. Of course I know that God plans my life for a purpose. Have I completed my purpose yet? I really don't think so. I have not yet arrived.

God knows our past whether in accomplishment or in failure. That is why I like the Psalm 31:7-8 passage. God knows me better than I know myself, which is pretty scary. Even though my soul may be in anguish, He has not forgotten about me or left me to wander in the forest. He is always just a word away. How often do we forget that?

I love the last part of this passage. "He has set me in a safe place." How many times have we thought to ourselves that because we are wallowing in our anguish that God cannot keep us from harm? Too many times we get caught up in our selfish wants and needs. We need (want) the newest and best gadget out there. We need (want) the best paying job. We need (want) a very fulfilling career. All we really need is our basic needs met. Our daily bread. That is what Jesus taught us to pray. Maybe our daily bread is just to go to work and forget our troubles. Maybe our daily bread is just to stay in bed for the day to recuperate from a long week. Maybe our daily bread is just to be in sanctuary with Him. Sometimes our daily bread changes from day to day, only God knows our needs from moment to moment.

I am trying to get passed the regretting in my own life. I am reminded constantly by the quote- "Carpe Diem"  or seize the day. I have not seized every moment possible to me, and no, I have not made the most of my days. But I know God is still there reaching out to me, only to remind me of what lies ahead is forgiveness and restoration. Are there things in your past that you regretted not doing or do you regret missing those once in a lifetime opportunities? Remember that only God can bring forgiveness to your soul and there is where he will refine you to a perfect shine.

My thorn in the flesh

My grandma once told me that we all have a thorn in the flesh that is like a trial we have to deal with. It's not easy and sometimes there may not be a solution. For the most part it's something that you have to deal with on a constant basis. Mine are my sinuses.

About 11 days ago, I woke up early on a Saturday morning, with my mind going a thousand different directions, so I decided to get up and get some work done. This was early in the morning and as I was sitting at the computer, I started sneezing. Not just once or twice, but constantly. About mid morning I had run through at least 20 tissues and I kept thinking "I can't get sick, I can't get sick." It felt like I had a cold; I don't get colds very often and wouldn't you believe it that about a couple of days before that, I thought that I should probably start taking my Vitamin C tablets again because Ohio for some reason attracts snow. I got worse throughout the day, using more tissues and my poor family had to suffer through hearing me sniffle, blow, blow-shreek, honk and whimper because I wasn't feeling well at all.

For next 4 days that followed, I spent the day in bed. I could tell my sinuses were the culprit, so I started taking Tylenol Sinus and Vitamin C. I was totally amazed that my sinuses would wipe me out throughout the day - I would nap, and I was only coherent for a few minutes before I felt like I had to go back into hibernation. By Thursday, I had had it, so I dragged myself to the doctor and had pretty much diagnosed myself. When I told him that I really didn't want a prescription because I'm allergic to 3 different antibiotics, he agreed. So he told me a 2 OTC formula that would hopefully knock the congestion out of my body. We are on 4. It's been a slow process especially since I'm not on "real" medicine.

As for work (and thank God that last week we had 3 snow days in a row; and a 2 hour delay) I only missed 1.8 days of work although I did do work during my "sick" days. I built a website. Hey I had to find something in between my "snotting" around (thanks Grandma for the terminology).

Throughout this 11 day journey of self medicating my sinuses, I have found the following:

1. I don't like it when people start having my same symptoms - they may want to start taking my medicine.
2. When you tell people that you have sinus problems, everyone has a story.
3. I can milk it pretty good with my husband. I honestly try not to, but if he is so willing to pamper me, I take him up on it...sometimes?
4. I have blown enough snot out of my nose to equal the weight of a 1 month old baby. No wonder my rings felt loose when I put them back on...
5. I'm the only one to announce that I'm on a Level 3 Tissue Emergency.
6. I panic when someone starts using the tissues for other things.
7. I have grown to hate cold weather.
8. I'm beginning to consider the stay at home job that has been vacant since it had been unfilled once I decided to go back to work several years ago.
9. I had blown into so many tissues by day 7 that I could fill 2 empty tissue boxes with all the used tissues that were laying around my side of the bed.
10. Kleenex tissues that read "Antiviral" are not soft.
11. There is not enough makeup or chap stick to take away or hide the new blush color that appears under my nose from all the wiping that I've done.
12. Not being able to smell does have it's advantages...especially when certain loved ones who like to leave "odors" behind them.
13. I hate it when my ears are plugged. My right ear has not been the same since I've been sick.
14. When I went to the doctor, I was thrilled that he said that my left sinus was swollen really bad. I only say this because to let him know that it isn't just my imagination that I'm feeling like this, it was...can I say "legit?"

After a somewhat long hiatus

Sorry for those of you who faithfully read my blogs {I know there are sooo many of you}, I have been suffering through this thing called LIFE...maybe you've heard of it?

Anyways, I have been drowning myself in technology business. I hopefully will be doing this on a more full time basis someday and in about 4 months, I will be venturing out into new realms of who knows what.

After spending several days preparing myself to launch the new email system for my employer, I have found that it was extremely easy - minus the old web host not being able to recognize the difference between a l (el) and a one and having service down for 2 and half days. I enjoyed doing it. It was a feeling of knowing that through God's help, I could do it. Then after spending 2 weeks looking at 22 different templates, trying them out and getting a feel of what I wanted, I redesigned my employer's website. After all said and done, it took me 3 days to get the website completed and it was a lot easier to launch the new IP address to read the new site than I could ever imagine. I called the old web host just to be safe, cancelled their service after I switched everything over.

I have been looking for more possible jobs to help fill the gap of our what seems to be declining income. Not a full time job, I already have one of those, but more on a freelance term. Today, after launching the new site for my employer, I had a friend mention to me that there is a church looking for a website designer. After a long talk, it sounds like a good possibility. Money? Well, since I'm not a professional at this, I really want the reference and if they feel so inclined to pay me something, then I will leave that in the Lord's hands.

Well needless to say after all this technology, I have decided to create a new blog (someday in the near future) called WIMP - Work in Marvel Progress where I will post my technology ideas and what has or hasn't worked in the past. Hopefully you'll be able to get some help from it because I'm finding that quite a few people ask me the same questions for the same situations. It''ll be a catch all for those who need help and I can't get to them right away. Watch for it to come very soon!